Ethel and the Stomach

Stomach: Hey, there’s half an avocado in the refrigerator.

Me: It’s 1:30 a.m.

Stomach: We could have guacamole.

Me: Go to sleep.

Stomach: Half an avocado will spoil if you don’t eat it–you’ll have to throw it away and you hate to waste food.

Me: Go to sleep.

Stomach: Just a little guacamole and a handful of chips. And a soda. Pleeeeeese?

Me: You aren’t hungry.

Stomach: You’re not sleepy.

Me: Yes, I am. Ethel (my middle-of-the-night brain), tell the stomach I’m dead tired and I don’t want to get up and fix guacamole.

Ethel: You heard her.

Stomach: Back off, Ethel. This is none of your business.

Ethel: She requested my help.

Stomach: This is not your area of expertise. Go think about something. What are you going to get Aunt Fanny for Christmas?

Ethel: Hmmm. Hey, you! What are we getting Aunt Fanny for Christmas?

Me: I don’t know. It’s 1:30 in the morning. This is the time we sleep. Tomorrow we think about Christmas and guacamole.

Stomach: There you go, procrastinating again.

Ethel: Stomach has a point. Aunt Fanny never forgets you.

Me: Okay. That’s it. Everybody shut up and go to sleep.

Stomach: Gua-ca-MO-le . . . gua-ca-MO-le . . . gua--

Me: Quit singing! It’s night time. I want to sleep. I am not getting up in the middle of the night to fix guacamole. We eat too much. We never exercise. We never take the stairs, we always take the donuts, and we are NOT having guacamole at 1:30. It takes too long to prepare.

Stomach: I’ll take it straight up. Or mashed with a little salt and garlic powder.

Me: ALRIGHT!

Stomach: And don’t forget the soda. A nice glass of soda will balance the saltiness of the chips.

Ethel: Well as long as we’re up, we might as well think about what we’re getting Aunt Fanny for Christmas . . . and you never finished that Sudoku . . . and we could check out that new catalogue . . .